i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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