So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
