I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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