Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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