So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
