I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
