Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
