For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
