I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
whose parrot is this?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
