I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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