I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
