Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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