Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
God, I missed his penis.
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