my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
