so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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