we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
