youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
