apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
