i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
