I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
