p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
