I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
