Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
