i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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