3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
