where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
