I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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