woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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