Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
