someone owes me an orgasm
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
