Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
