So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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