Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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