My room smells like vodka and shame
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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