Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
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