i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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