i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
