Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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