Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
and you fell through a lawn chair
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
