Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
where are my eyebrows?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
