I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
