Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
