Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just threw up on my dentist
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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