Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
