he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
