what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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