I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
