So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
