Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
