Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
